| i am writing for no reason in particular |
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| 12:10am 14/05/2007 |
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i find it interesting that there are no physical ways to measure my success in the last year. most would say i've failed to achieve anything. but what i have gained from all the pain and the loss, has given me so much more than i could ever physically express. there is nothing better than to realize what love truly means. there is nothing better than knowing no matter how hard it gets kicked around and stomped on that it only grows in it's magnificence. i pray to god that my life will someday flourish in the physical sense, but right now I wouldn't trade all the success and dignity in the world for what Jesus Christ has shown me, while stripped bare of all i once relied on for comfort. while in a physical since i may have my life on pause, in an eternal sense Jesus has captured my life in High Definition! I never would have thought that i'd be thankful for losing my pride.... |
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| hey why not |
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| 03:37pm 13/04/2006 |
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hmm... for all who don't know ... or who care... or whatever I live in bothell again (well officially kenmore) but yeah. hmm my life is pretty much boring right now. church, work.... that about it. oh yeah and my family is a wreck. I feel so frustrated all the time because I can't fix their problems and they have no interest in fixing anything either... so that's where I am. don't get me wrong... i have problems of my own, but i guess theirs seem to frustrate me more than any of mine. it seems like life should be more exciting than it is. i miss adventure. that's seriously what i'm lacking right now. if anyone reads this and would like to go do something adventerous i am very very up for it. anyways, there's nothing to complain about ... i'll update when something exciting happens.
with love,
shariss |
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| 12:50am 08/07/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted
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wow it's been like fifty years since i've been on this thing. it's so funny to think how i'd update like everyday of my life before. i guess if anyone is interested i will update on myself because i figure i'm bored and yeah.
basically my life revolves around the Lord. and by the Lord i mean God/jesus all that. i've always been christian but many people know that i've done stupid stuff and been pretty hypocritical and just plain psycotic. basically since the moment i moved out here it's been outragiously tough.it's been a battle to choose the right path... i started out just wanting to sit around all the time because what is there to do when the only person you know is at work all day and you have no money to do anything else. i felt miserable and i didn't really understand why god had brought me here. i got a few babysitting jobs and it kinda kept me busy, but then i had this realization on the bus to one of those jobs one day. i realized that i can have a crappy life and float like a leaf in the wind, just let life happen to me... or i could make life happen. so i started where i knew i would be happy. in church and serving god. i got involved in helping cook at a high school camp on the small island of Molokai. it was amazing. god gave me a real compassion for the high schoolers of hawaii. since then i've gotten involved in mentoring high schoolers and have made some amazing bonds with people in my church. I have people who love and support me and i am being challenged to be better everyday. i still have days where i feal completely unnecessary and inadequate but those are the days that when i look to jesus he shows me his strength and his love for me. i am so amazed at how things have worked out since i moved here. i encourage everyone who is about to make that next step in life... away from their parents or out of high school, that they would just seek out good-godly opportunities to grow and serve and meet people who will really change your life, and not just choose the easy route and let life just happen. that's all i have to say tonight... um sorry for all the spelling mistakes i am waaay to lazy to fix anything as of now. goodnight... i hope maybe one person read this... if not it was fun writing. :) |
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| i guess it's just life |
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| 07:26am 22/01/2005 |
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mood:  sad
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I'm starting to get freaked out at my job. I've been working over 40 hours a week now and spending more time with children than i ever thought i would. in the morning i wake up and run down to the Y (actually i usually just walk fast) and punch in. then i go into a stinky room and kill about thirty cockroaches (this part of the job gets out some frustration and hypes me up for the rest of the day). then about 15 mins later kids start showing up. the ymca over here is understaffed (probably because they pay a very small amount for people to work for them) so i basically do the job of two or three people and it's quite interesting. especially when i'm holding an infant and telling two 2 year olds to back away from the tv and standing in front of two wild boy toddlers in order to block them from running into the wall. it's just a bit crazy sometimes. i've actually been thinking about maybe saving one of the cockroaches from the morning and putting it in a big jar so the kids can look at it and be amazed... it could calm them a little bit who knows.
but my being freaked out has nothing to do with the above. i've found that in working with children sometimes you know their life just isn't right. that they are going through things that you can't even imagine... and all you can really do is pray for them. the after-school program i see kids that have such odd behavior and it's all i can do to keep my mind from thinking of all the possibilities of things that are going on at home. i just can't let it get to me. all i need to know is that it's my job to do the best i can at taking care of them while they're in my care... and loving them all the same.
yesterday was the peak of just a sadness i've been feeling knowing that children go through so much without being able to talk about it to anyone. this girl at the morning half of my job (maybe three years old) drew something that basically let me know she's seen way too much for a three year old. something has happened or is happening that just isn't right. i can't go into details but i just am sickened by the idea of it all. i hope it all has a simple explanation, but the feeling i have inside of me assures me that it doesn't. i had to write a report about it and hopefully something will happen. it's just that children are supposed to be innocent. we only have our innocense once and it's something to cherish and look back on. if it's gone before you can even remember then what do you have? you'll never know what it's like?... you'll never get to play and be free as children are able to. I know God can bring healing, at least there is hope. It's just sad that sin can bring someone to that extent of evil where they would mess with a little kid. |
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| God's in control |
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| 12:24am 11/12/2004 |
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This morning I experienced some stuff that truley was God's thang. He had this whole day just work out for me. I don't know if someone said a prayer... I think I might have last night, but yeah... He just had my back today and I could totally feel it. not that He doesn't have our backs everytime we ask, but this time i just really felt it and recognized. it was a bit more tangible.
like this morning i felt something waking me up. I looked at my alarm clock and it said five. i stared at it for (it seemed like) a full minute. and i know my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. well, i got up and went to the bathroom and stuff and when i went out to the kitchen the clock said 4:28. i went back to my bedroom clock and it said 4 30. I was like wow, that's never happened before... and I really didn't think much of it. but as the morning went on I realized that was completely God. If i had seen the time it really was i would have gone back to bed and been late for class this morning. i never get up with enough time to get ready and the thing was it just gave me a peace throughout the whole day like, He's so much bigger and i don't have to worry because He's in control.
THEN, like my sister was able to give me a ride to work (which was a little miracle in itself) and she tells me this story about how she woke up and saw her clock saying five VIVIDLY. and how she got up and was getting ready and looked at it again and it said 4. NOW TELL ME THAT ISN'T COOL!!!! neither of us ever have that kinda thing happen. I've been known to set my alarm clock for the wrong time, but never to see a different number after looking at it for a long time... and the same goes for her. the rest of the day should have been stressful, but it ended up working out. I am amazed at how God shows us he loves us in the little ways.
Let Him show you how much He loves you. Thank him for everything. He's working miracles around you whether you see them or not!!!!
i love you :) |
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| Pictures of happiness |
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| 08:35pm 04/12/2004 |
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mood: drained
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I pulled out a picture of the boy of my dreams
I held it up and there you were
The eyes, the nose, the heart, the vision
It was all there
And what am I to you?
A 3 out of 10 maybe
and i might be exagerating
because i've already crushed myself enough
there is not much worse than meeting the perfect fit
and then realizing they would have to settle to be with you
I pulled out a picture of the perfect family
it's never looked anything like you
i've loved you so much and you've taken care of me well
but now i feel so painful inside
because you are dying and you can't even tell
you couldn't see the right thing if it kicked you in the head
in fact it has many times and you just rebelled instead
i fear i do the same thing and its partly your fault
why is it so hard to give up your hell?
why can't you love me by taking care of yourself?
I pulled out that picture I save for the hard times
the picture of jesus holding my hand
"I wish this didn't hurt so bad. I wish there was no pain":
That is the phrase my face seems to convey
then i looked at your love, compassion and grace
i saw all the answers right on your face:
"I've never let you go, and I love them more than you do. I want what's best for those you love. I want what's best for YOU. Don't be so laden. Don't harbor doubt. The love that I have has never worn out. I'll give patience, enough for each day. And we'll both pray to our Father that the people we love, will someday love us the same." |
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| :( |
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| 03:48pm 27/11/2004 |
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mood:  crazy
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If you live in the Greater Seattle Area... and you knew me... I miss you very very very much! aaaand i can't wait to see you in December. i am excited for many many gushy mushy hugs and kisses ;) YAYAYAYAYAYA |
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| in honor of turkey farts! ...and being thankful |
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| 12:37am 26/11/2004 |
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mood: crazy
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turkey makes people fart! and the farts smell like turkey. it's the revenge of the turkey!!!! haha on wednesday i sat my kids down in a circle and i explained to them all why the body makes farts. they were so intrigued. i thought about it later and decided i probably shouldn't have done that because parents might complain... but the story actually started when this poor boy farted and everybody laughed at him. this boy is kind of a sad character really. i mean he's a nice boy but he's the chubby odd looking one that the other kids pick on or ignore. i can relate to him a little so i decided to talk about how everyone farts and how i fart everytime i drink soy milk. hahahaha gotta love it. the kids were laughing at me and then they all started admitting that they fart all the time. it was fun!! so whatever if parents get mad. i'll explain that their kids need to know how the human body works! AAANDD there is an entire magic school bus episode dedicated to the digestive system that really sheds some light on the topic if they are interested.
i seriously amuse myself
remember to keep those windows open you don't want to smell like digested turkey tomorrow
(that may have been a little too gross, but hey i just watched 8 crazy nights so it's expected)
yay for grossing people out!!! :)
God bless you! i'm thankful for everybody!
with love,
sharissa rose |
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| coldplay always makes me cry |
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| 06:23pm 13/11/2004 |
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mood:  pensive
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i sit here watching little girls learn to hula
and for some reason my mind wanders to what life would have been like if...
(why do i bother myself with such questions?)
what would life be like if my heart had never been broken for the first time?
what would life be like if my parents had stayed together?
what would life be like if i never came to hawaii?
what would life be like if ... if ... any particular choice anyone has made in my life were different?
i think of all the possibilities and i start to get sad
i'm mourning for the life that could have been, but died
i think sometimes life's best possibilites drown in the mud
the bad decisions are the dirt that others shovel into our pond
and often we shovel dirt into our own pond
it's sad to think about
so...
i'll just stop
i'll think about the good times
and the good decisions
i'll think about the love
and the affection
i'll think about Jesus
loving me so much
loving everyone so much more than anyone else ever could
the past is a scary place to be in
and the ghost-town of another future is an even scarier place to be
i'll just count my blessings and hope for better decisions to come ahead
and even if they don't
at least i'll know how to do it better next time |
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| 10:55pm 07/11/2004 |
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mood:  gloomy
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i miss people so much tonight. it's weird how home-sickness comes randomly and full force for me. i wasn't even missing only that bad until recently. and now that i do it makes me want to cry a lot! i miss people that haven't even thought about me i bet for years! oh goodness... this must be one of those girly times of the month. emotions get the best of us sometimes! |
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| 10:40pm 05/11/2004 |
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i have something i need to share with those of you who are upset with the whole election thing, yet you are Christians and love the Lord. Trust God! the Bible tells us that God is in control and that nothing is done without Him knowing. Believe that God's hand is in all of this, and trust the fact that our president was an alcoholic and was saved from that by the grace of God. he's NOT PERFECT ... far from perfect. you know, I learned today that God doesn't have favorites... no matter what! so, if we are trying to attain Christ-likeness... neither should we!(i don't mean that we shouldn't vote... i mean as far as choosing who to love and who to hate, who to respect and who to defy... that isn't our job!) we just need to pray and do our best to do God's will for our own lives. Trust God's love for you, for the people in our country, for the people of this world. God loves everyone equally. He does appoint leaders... some to bless us with things and seasons we enjoy and some to teach us lessons and develop character. who knows what will happen... who knows where this will all lead. BUT if you believe that God has saved you from sin... if you believe in Jesus... please, do not be uneasy about what has just happened! trust the Lord and trust that it will all "work together for the good of those who love Him(a)" AMEN?!!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things (b)."
i'm so thankful for the "peace of God, which transcends all understanding"!
please let God restore your peace! even if you don't understand why you should have peace... He'll give you peace! even if you aren't receiving the answer to prayer that you think is right... He'll give you peace! Trusting God=peace! Let God fix your eyes on the pure, right, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy things about our country! please! for the unity of our church CANNOT be sacrificed, just because we see that people are flawed and mess up... even if these people are our leaders! our nation is divided, but we as the church need to be an example of unity to the world! who cares what you think should have happened... the truth is what has happened is now what is! and God is sovereign. so trust Him and move on.
a- romans 8:28
b- philippians 4:6-7
.... that was my spew of the day! good for you if you read all of that. otherwise, i still love you and you probably love me more if you haven't read it anyways! :) |
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| i was so inspired today when someone read this |
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| 10:33pm 05/11/2004 |
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mood:  touched
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Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I
to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually,
who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people won’t
feel insecure around you.
You were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
-Nelson Mandela |
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| my thoughts... we all have a right to oppinion |
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| 10:27am 03/11/2004 |
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did you know that the concept of seperation of church and state was originally created in order to keep the government from controling the church not to keep the church from influencing the government? in fact, our founding fathers were all influenced by the church. the pilgrims left their country because their church had been so radically conformed by the monarchy at the time. it's sad how people warp the original intentions of the constitution in order to avoid any sense of conviction and truth in their world. it's sad when people post lies about our president's intentions for these next four years that they probably heard from another ignorant friend. i'm not accusing anyone and i'm not pretending to know all the facts. all i know is that my president will try his hardest to keep us all safe. i don't even agree with a republican's view of the economy and on healthcare, but i do think that he's a man that i can find hope in because of the fact that he beleives in something and he's willing to stand for it. AND the whole draft thing was a lie that an angry democrat produced in order to get people to vote for kerry. i'm sorry if anything i have said makes anyone mad that isn't my intention. i'm just trying to be a voice for the other side for once. i for one hope that we all can support our leadership... otherwise our country will continue to look like a cut flower to the rest of the world .... pretty to look at but soon to die.
if we believe in our leaders the rest of the world will believe in us. if we believe in our leaders our leaders will come through for us.
whether you are a democrat or republican is not longer the issue... the issue is how can we be what we are and be that graciously and not destroy ourselves fighting what we areb with pride and ignorance. |
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| 06:11pm 30/10/2004 |
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emotions are so ridiculous! i'm done with them. it's time to become a statue with absolutely no soft spots for anyone of the male species! thank you! aodihf!!!!! they are soooo hard to read and it's just not worth it. take my advice... it IS NOT worth it |
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| 11:37pm 24/10/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy
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my OH my OH my OH my my my POOO!.... i decided that because i don't have a "boo" but i really like singing that song, i would replace "boo" with "poo" and then i can sing it at least once a day! (i'm a very regular kind of girl)
... i feel bad for you if you got that and think i'm gross. i didn't mean to gross anyone out i just find myself humerous. i feel the need to talk about bathroom stuff a lot! it's funny to me what can i say??
i need a beach day soon! |
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| 10:49pm 20/10/2004 |
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mood: relieved
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I love the Lord... I seriously always find an answer to my problems in the strangest ways! like... doing homework>?!!! I started reading for my leadership class and the chapter is on compromise and impossible situations and feeling like a failure... all stuff i'm going through now. the cool thing is that this chapter is called "tests of leadership" all this stuff I'm going through is just me being tested to see if i can handle! so basically i read this poem and it gave me sooo much peace...
here read it!
Have you come to the Red Sea place in your life,
Where in spite of all you can do,
There is no way out, there is no way back,
There is no other way but through?
Then wait on the Lord with trust serene
Till the night of your fear is gone;
He will send the wind, He will heap the floods,
When He says to your soul, "Go on."...
In the morning watch, 'neath the lifted cloud,
You shall see but the Lord alone,
When He leads you on from the place of the sea
To a land that you have not known;
And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed,
You shall no more be afraid;
You shall sing His praise in a better place,
A place that His hand has made.
-Annie Johnson Flint
Tell me that doesn't speak directly to my issues! i have to go through all this stuff and i have to do it with the Lord's strength... it's going to require a sea being parted basically, but i'll never get to the next point in life if i don't make it through this one. crazy stuff ... |
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| 10:01pm 19/10/2004 |
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mood:  anxious
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two words have been in my head and on the tip of my toungue for the past few weeks.
"challenge me"
i keep wanting to say them or sing them and i have no idea why
i know it's a very dangerous statement to be making, especially because i believe in devine intervention
God hears me say these words... and i wonder if he had a part in them coming to my mind in the first place
i wonder what He has in store for me
why else would i be saying "challenge me" ?
who else would i be saying it to?
it must be that He wants me to be challenged
i feel like i'm already challenged in so many areas right now
i have trouble keeping up in school, because my life is already so busy
i do so many things but there is a deep pit in my stomach
because i know i'm not doing enough
it makes me angry
when did the days get shorter?!
"CHALLENGE ME!"
is that me who keeps saying that?
maybe it's someone else and i'm just hearing the words
i couldn't be saying those words because i'm just barely making it through each day.
i can't take anymore challenge... and i've never been the tough type who keeps asking for the load to get larger.
i feel like i have every blessing in the world but at the end of the day i've done nothing worth while... nothing to live up to the blessings
who is saying those words?
i feel trapped by those words
is it God himself?
is he mocking my inability to trust Him in every aspect?
i don't think he mocks
is it like some messed up gameshow where i'm failing miserably but he's my teamate and all i have to do is ask him and he'll give me the right answer?
it's fear factor and i've been challenged to swallow something bigger than my head, but if i'm willing to sacrifice all the glory i can pass the challenge off to my teammate and He'll win us the prize.
"challenge me"
i still have to figure this out.
i've never had two words be in my head so often for so long.
we'll see what happens anyways... |
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| 10:06am 16/10/2004 |
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mood:  loved
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the perfect guy for me is the guy i can laugh about poo with for at least an hour. he also needs to have a nice smile. |
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| 10:26pm 07/10/2004 |
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haha my friend bought a shirt at a thrift store that is from china and it says "warning: the garment does not comply with federal flammability requirements for sleepwear and SHOULD NOT BE USED AS SLEEPWEAR"
i'm so confused |
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sharissadear's journal